Last night felt so natural. Just like old times. I wonder why this time I didn't get upset. Didn't get upset that it wasn't just you and me. Of course I wish it was that way most of the time but for some reason I was so calm.
I feel like I may be moving on. I think it's time. I've wanted too long and now I can see I'm okay with how I'm feeling.
Not one ounce of sadness. It feels weird but I can't complain.
There's still something there but it's all on you know.
As long as you're still in my life, I don't care what your decision is.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
"Depression has a firm hand on my shoulder and Loneliness harangues me with his interrogation...I don't want to let them up the stairs to my apartment, either, but I know Depression, and he's got a billy club, so there's no stopping him from coming in if he decides that he wants to...Loneliness watches and sighs, then climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over himself, fully dressed, shoes and all. He's going to make me sleep with him again tonight, I just know it."
- Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
- Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
July 29, 2010
Every night I go to bed thinking today was just the same.
Every morning I wake and tell myself its a new day.
Maybe it will be different.
Maybe you'll come around.
You were the one that was supposed to help me move on.
Now I just need someone to help me move on from you.
I'm days away from just letting it go.
A person can only do so much.
I can't keep letting myself get hurt like this.
Every morning I wake and tell myself its a new day.
Maybe it will be different.
Maybe you'll come around.
You were the one that was supposed to help me move on.
Now I just need someone to help me move on from you.
I'm days away from just letting it go.
A person can only do so much.
I can't keep letting myself get hurt like this.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
July 27, 2010
I'm worried about going to college and being surrounded by drugs and alcohol.
I know how I get when I'm depressed. I just need an escape and then along with being away from home? I can just tell it's gonna be BAD.
I miss being edge. I miss going to shows every weekend to distract me. I miss that positive atmosphere but now I just feel surrounded by drugs and alcohol. There's nothing else to do around here anymore.
All I have is words, music, and my bed. But these are starting to get old to me.
Winter is the worst. I'm so scared. I hate the thoughts I have during those lows. I want to be positive but its just always the same. Every. Single. Year.
There's very few things that bring me up from that low and that's smiling. There's one thing that always makes me smile. Just guess.
I know how I get when I'm depressed. I just need an escape and then along with being away from home? I can just tell it's gonna be BAD.
I miss being edge. I miss going to shows every weekend to distract me. I miss that positive atmosphere but now I just feel surrounded by drugs and alcohol. There's nothing else to do around here anymore.
All I have is words, music, and my bed. But these are starting to get old to me.
Winter is the worst. I'm so scared. I hate the thoughts I have during those lows. I want to be positive but its just always the same. Every. Single. Year.
There's very few things that bring me up from that low and that's smiling. There's one thing that always makes me smile. Just guess.
Monday, July 26, 2010
June 26, 2010
I should know better by now. If I'm hurting this bad already, it can't be good in the end. If something doesn't change soon I'm walking out.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
July 21, 2010
You stopping by tonight, out of nowhere, proves sooososo much to me.
That is exactly what I've been waiting for. As soon as I found out you were here, my heart jumped out of my chest. This is what you do to me. We just smiled at each other. How could you ignore that feeling whenever we lock eyes? Tonight was exactly like old times.
You told me you missed me. I know you wanted to say so much more but I'm gonna give you time. We're gonna hangout, just you and me, and then maybe we can finally talk. We both know we wanted to talk about it.
I love you and miss you terribly.
That is exactly what I've been waiting for. As soon as I found out you were here, my heart jumped out of my chest. This is what you do to me. We just smiled at each other. How could you ignore that feeling whenever we lock eyes? Tonight was exactly like old times.
You told me you missed me. I know you wanted to say so much more but I'm gonna give you time. We're gonna hangout, just you and me, and then maybe we can finally talk. We both know we wanted to talk about it.
I love you and miss you terribly.
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